Topics have been a little heavy so far as I try to catch up with real life here on the blog. This week, I thought I'd just throw out some tidbits you might or might not know about adoption and our experience so far.
We are required to obtain a background check through the FBI and a completely separate check done through Child Protective Services. We are required to have a physical and be tested for HIV and tuberculosis. We do not have to take a drug test.
Speaking of that physical, its purpose is simple: to establish whether we have a normal life expectancy and are free of communicable disease. Here's the catch: What if you're not? I have heard of one adoption that took place despite both parents (a same-sex couple) being HIV positive. I have heard of another adoption where finalization occurred the same day the adoptive father died of a long-term illness. Both adoptions happened anyway.
Did you know that it is not uncommon for newborn infants, boys and girls, to secrete milk from their own breasts after birth? This is very temporary and is due to the hormones still in the baby's body after sharing them for nine months with its mother.
The law in Virginia does not actually say two people of the same gender cannot adopt jointly. The law does say that if two people adopt jointly, they must be married. Now you get the catch. Since we can't legally marry (in Virginia), we can't legally adopt jointly.
The alternative? I will seek joint custody of our child once his or her adoption by Eric is finalized. What do I have to do? Ironically, neither the finalization nor the custody agreement will take place in court. Both are done by our attorney by mail. Anti-climactic, no?
The original plan was for me to be the adoptive parent, but I don't make enough. The agency's cut-off for a single parent home study? $25,000.
Until our adoption is finalized, from the time the baby is placed with us she or he actually legally belongs to the agency.
During that time, while the baby is in our physical custody but in the legal custody of the agency, they ask that we do not spank him or her. Most newborn adoptions are complete by the time the baby turns one year old. Who out there is spanking their tiny baby?!
Despite prejudices that say otherwise, 55% of the infants adopted through our agency are 100% Caucasian.
In some states, if the mother does not know the identity of the baby's father, or if she is unwilling to reveal his identity, for an adoption to take place his rights may be terminated by publishing in the newspaper that Jane Doe had a child on This Date, 2011, so anyone who had sex with her and thinks he may be the father of the child should come forward.
Simply because a birth father is not aware of the birth mother's pregnancy or the child's birth does not mean he can come around later and challenge the adoption. It does not absolve him of his responsibility to find out if their sex resulted in pregnancy. His rights can be terminated anyway.
If a woman is married and conceives a child with someone other than her husband, her husband is the legal father of the child and has more rights to the child than the biological father does. In this case, the legal father, the birth mother's husband, can block an adoption. It is unlikely that a biological father not married to the mother could do the same unless he has been supporting her through her pregnancy and continues to do so.
Adopted children are the only people who receive two original birth certificates. The first is not erased or altered; a second certificate is issued.
In the United States, you can name your child anything you'd like. The countries of northern Europe in particular have laws regarding naming, some of them quite strict. There are lists of approved names and most require a boy's name to be easily distinguishable from a girl's. The U.S. is more lax. The birth mother may choose anything she'd like to put on the birth certificate. The adoptive parents have 100% discretion to then change the child's name to anything they'd like. Mary Jones may have a child with John Johnson and then the child may be adopted by James Smith and Anne Thompson. They can name their child Joseph Michael Pearl Jam. Even if it's a girl.
If a child is known to be of Native American heritage, the relevant tribe or tribes must be contacted before an adoption may proceed. If the tribe finds that the child qualifies as a member, they may, at their discretion, block an adoption.
What's that, you say? That's heavy stuff, too? Okay, some of it is, so here's some fun stuff about us.
Eric's given first name is Eric-Gene. If you reverse those, it says Generic. Generic is our pet name for our unknown son or daughter.
The first time we went baby shopping, Eric ran over my foot with the stroller. A sign of things to come?
I'll admit that we've already chosen names. It's one thing we can control and decide upon right now. We're totally open to suggestions from our birth parents, however.
Barring a baby born in Hawaii, we're driving. I hate flying enough to know I'd hijack the plane if I were expected to take a newborn on a flight.
Eric bought me a guitar just so I can learn to play and sing songs for the baby.
We still can't decide what to have the baby call us. What will he or she call all those grandparents? Y'all are on your own.
We've already picked out a school for our son or daughter. Yes, we've already visited it.
The baby's room is the nicest in our home.
I refrain from throwing away old t-shirts because I think "Hey, those are free pajamas for Generic."
I asked Eric to fetch a box of super awesome wonderfully colored plastic hangers off the side of the road because I was too embarrassed to do it myself but I thought they would look awesome in the baby's room. Look awesome is all they'll do, though. Generic won't grow into clothes this size for another decade at the earliest.
My mother brings up the baby every time I speak with her.
I bring up the baby at least ten times more often than that.
Thanks for reading!
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